A diary for me

Today I woke up 33 days sober ,

I feel very proud that I have got to this point without a drink .

I have started getting up early in the mornings and started a new morning routine which i am really enjoying and it’s really helping me keep on track .

But honestly I thought by know I would feel more different.

I thought I would slowly stop thinking about having a drink everyday but it hasn’t changed

I still think about having a drink everyday day . I still want to drink everyday .

When will it stop , I am afraid it never will . Will I think about having a drink everyday for the rest of my life.

Or will it just stop one day and I won’t even realise .

I guess I will have to wait and see .

Returned to work tonight after a few days off and I was tempted to go into the shop to buy wine after work . But while I have been off I have been reading a lot and one of the books I read asked you to write a list of reasons you drink and reasons you want to stop . So tonight when the thought crossed my mind I read the list of the reasons I want to stop drinking to myself and I reminded myself of how good I have been feeling lately and it really helped me to not go to the shop .

I just need to keep reminding myself of the reasons I decided to do this .

The list helped me so much tonight .

I have had a great day today , and I think I just felt like I wanted to celebrate .

But instead I will sip my lemonade and be proud of my achievements. Baby steps towards my goals

Wow i am now 18 days sober and i am buzzing I have reached this point . It’s not been easy at all but i have pushed through and i am very proud of myself.

I am feeling at more rested when I wake up and I am now being to enjoy waking up without a hangover.

I have started a new routine of going to bed earlier and waking up before anyone else to give myself time to wake up and enjoy the quiet. Which is something I have wanted to do for a long time but never managed it so it feels great to now be doing that .

I still have a long way to go on this journey but I am taking each day as it comes and I am feeling hopeful.

It’s been a really busy weekend , full of ups and downs . But I made it to two weeks and I am super proud of myself .

I had moments when I found it easy not to drink and moments when I found it harder.

But I got through it and I am over the moon .

I am feeling positive going into week three , one day at a time , baby steps .

Tonight has been really difficult for me . I have really had to fight the aurge to drink . I haven’t felt myself today at all , been really tired and feeling drained and just felt like giving up today .

I ended up going to bed earlier than normal just to , try get away from how I was feeling .

But as I woke up this morning two weeks sober I am incredibly proud of myself for getting to this point .

I am not feeling myself tonight

I am feeling very low and just lost in this journey. I know why I am doing it , I am doing this because my drinking started to get out of control and I have to remain in control of it .

I hate the feeling of not being in control.

I am sat here feeling uncomfortable and agitated , about my life , how did it get to this point but I no why it got to this point . It got to this point because of me .

I have a weakness for a drink but it will not define me anymore , I will keep battling on and get to a better place , because deep down I no I can .

This morning I wake up 12 days sober and I am extremely proud of that , but I am feeling worried about tonight . I am just starting a few days off work and I am worried how I am going to find it . I work in the evenings so it has helped me so far keep busy .

But I am worried that my mind and the thoughts I have will tempt me to buy wine .

So I am going to try and keep busy this evening by having a bath and put my PJs on early so I am not tempted to pop to the shop no matter how much I tell myself just one won’t hurt , or you have done so well go treat yourself or it’s been a long week you deserve it .

These are just a few examples of the things I have told myself in the past to justify having a drink but tonight I am not going to give in I am going to keep battling on and make it to day 13 .

I have got this !

Yesterday was a brilliant day , I had some news that was amazing , but after I got the news all I wanted to do was celebrate and have a drink . I was on such a high but also felt so low because I couldn’t celebrate with a drink .

I worked last night and on the way home almost went to the shop to buy wine , it took everything I had to stop myself .

Today I wake up being 11 days sober and i am unbelievably proud of myself for being so .

One day at a time, today is a new day. I am feeling very positive. I am slowly starting to fall asleep easier and feel much more refreshed when I wake up which is amazing.

I am more motivated than ever to continue on this journey.

Someone told me recently that it’s baby steps , take one baby step at a time .

Don’t think about not drinking for the next week or the next month or the next year just think about not drinking today . Put one foot in front of the other and you will get there .

I am hopeful that I will get there . I have completed 9 days now and I am feeling very pleased with myself for get though the last few days . It’s not been easy at all . Trying to stay focused on why i decided it was time to do this and not give in to the thoughts in my head . I find my our mind really hard to handle at times because I know I need to stop drinking but at times it’s like my mind just likes to trick me into thinking it’s ok , when it’s not !

But I start day ten feeling positive, one day at a time.

It’s been just over a week since I last had a drink . I would love to say I feel better but i don’t , I do feel like I am getting more sleep and waking up feeling brighter but I honestly thought I would feel different after a week .

I know this will be a long process to get through and will always be a daily battle for the rest of my life .

But as I sit here tonight sober I try to think how my life got to this point and I really don’t no . I used to smoke may years ago and when I stopped I think I replaced it with a glass of wine. It’s no excuse I am the reason it’s got this bad .

I have never picked up a drink in the morning , I still go about my day doing all that’s asked of me , but once the evening comes around I sit alone most nights with a bottle of wine . Whether it be a good day or a bad day , any emotion that I am feeling becomes an excuse to open a bottle .

But I have made it a whole 8 days and I am taking it as a win .